Love told me that I would say many things when he was present

I won't lie when I say that I am a fan of love. I love talking about it, living it, feeling it, missing it and sometimes even hating it.

I suppose that this same fanaticism led me to have so many bad experiences: I idealized the idea of love a lot to the point of finding it in whoever looked at me pretty and could formulate words that, even if they didn't convince me completely, caused the slightest emotion in my heart. .

I don't deny it, my subconscious betrayed me, and I played against myself repeatedly and then blamed others.

Sometimes I found myself so absorbed by love that I saw signs where there were none and I tightly embraced a reality that did not exist.

It wasn't until I hit rock bottom and in a small aromatized room, relaxing music and a prepared person was in front of me, helping me to know myself, understand myself, and save me from love: the one that I invented in my head because of my shortcomings, desires. , and disagreements.

It was until in that room, I knew myself, I accepted myself as I am, with everything and my flaws, to understand how to love.

I felt like my eyes were finally open and my glasses were clean, but I needed to experience it. I needed to live love in a way I had never experienced it before. I needed to know him, touch him, question him, and look at him again and again, until I realized that the costume that I tailored for him was no longer there.

I thought I would meet him head on, but instead, I found him in different ways: in one of them, I cried until I was dry, and love wrapped me in his arms to make me feel safe by putting me close to his chest. In another, he spoke to me on the phone, showing me that space is not always an impediment.

But the time that marked me the most was when I didn't even notice him: he slowly seduced me until I was lying down, hugging him. By the time I realized that he had known true love, he had already recognized me.

And even though I slept next to him, I spent many sleepless nights thinking, “Is this love?” I questioned every step, every movement, every word, every day, every minute and every second. This love doesn't feel like what I thought it was, or what I think it is.

Until suddenly, I saw the clock and realized that time had flown. At what time? Without thinking about it, it became my home, and I ended up blindly trusting that it would always be warm, that there would always be breakfast, and there would always be a kiss before bed.

But not.

One day love left me cold, hungry, and with doubt. Love taught me that it is not a movie, that it is reality. That changes, and that same change teaches you to love more.

Love spoke to me slowly until it naturally took away all my fears and dreams. My essence drawer was left open, I kept the padlock and he kept the key. But there was no worry. Love told me that it was easy to love me and I believe that it is easy to love when it is right, when it does you genuinely good.

Love showed me that it will stay here as long as necessary. That he will share with me everything he knows, that he will teach me everything I need, and that if one day he leaves, he will return.

Because love also changes form and name, and changes you inside until you learn to love.

Falling in love was like falling asleep very slowly, and when I woke up, seeing that love was resting next to me too.

Love told me that I would say many things when he was present. Things that, when I didn't feel him around, I would possibly regret having said.

But love convinced me to enjoy it while it lasts. And that's what I'm doing.